Dear humans,
We have returned. We are highly amused by the female, who received a 36 count box of Reese’s trees for the holidays from a friend. She immediately slaughtered one with ruthless and startling efficiently.
Then she assigned them as treats. For every 5,000 words she writes, she may have a tree.
She is highly food motivated, and 5,000 words were written so she could have a tree to go with her illicit beverage this morning.
In other news, McRibs are back at McDonald’s. The male brought an offering of the McRib to her.
Tears were shed, human. The female is a very strange being. We of the Furred Management are concerned.
In other news, the female has trained the hummingbirds and songbirds to know her clicking her tongue means dinner has been served. The hummingbirds are a little picky. The water was unacceptable for them, so this little winged bastard flies to the window and starts clicking. At the female. In demand.
The female immediately checked the feeder, fixed the problem, and gave them fresh nectar. And adjusted her schedule for changing the feeder.
But the hummingbirds learned that to click is to be given fresh nectar.
We didn’t know hummingbirds could click. Hummingbirds can click.
The clicker in question is a Rufous’s hummingbird, and he looks like a flying piece of coal until the sun hits his feathers the right way, after which he looks like a flying flame. He is very cool, and he’s one of the female’s favorite customers.
So far, the customers have paid her in twigs for building a nest. Yes, she absolutely does keep the twigs, thank you.
Onto the book faire! Today, we have a short YA Urban Fantasy and a superhero themed short story for your enjoyment.
The Annoyer by M.C. Leavitt (Short Story)
Purchase Link: Amazon
Price: $0.99 (Kindle Unlimited/Amazon Only)
Age Rating: 18+.
Note(s) from the Publisher: Includes strong language and sexual content.
After Margie admits to having a crush on a local superhero, Stephanie comes to an obvious conclusion: become a supervillain and bring the city to its knees until Captain Good Man agrees to one date with her best friend.
Faced with possible capture, can Stephanie—er, The Annoyer convince Captain Good Man in time? It’s just dinner. Promise.
If you love satire and supervillains, you’ll love The Annoyer.
Our Thoughts: We are confused human. So very confused. But this also looks hilarious, because any time a superhero is called Captain Good Man, the humor must be tongue-in-cheek. And with only 29 pages to work with and a sexual content advisory along with strong language, this redefines the quickie in all fashions. As it’s in Kindle Unlimited, you don’t have a whole lot to lose on this one, except possibly 20 minutes and some of your sanity.
Crimson: Secrets and Lies of a Living Vampire by T.L. Christianson
Purchase Link: Amazon (This may be available at other vendors.)
Price: $0.99
Age Rating: 18+.
Notes(s) from the Publisher: The sex scenes are open door but not graphic and mostly implied.
An isolated mountain estate. A forbidden romance. A dark secret that threatens the entire vampire race.
When vampire Emilie takes a new nanny job at the remote mountain home of Dr. Owen Bennett, the last thing she expects is to be thrown head-first into a dangerous mystery.
After spending the last hundred years believing she was alone in the world, the undeniable chemistry with handsome and eccentric Owen⎯who she suspects may also be a vampire⎯promises a future she never thought possible.
But…things at the Bennett house just don’t add up.
Owen’s ex-wife has seemingly vanished, he refuses to divulge who he works for, and he keeps his research under lock and key.
Determined to uncover the truth, Emilie discovers a secret that holds severe repercussions for all her kind.
When dark forces intervene, Emilie is forced to make an unthinkable choice – between newfound love or what she knows to be right.
Our Thoughts: The female wants the cover chick’s hair. The female has “rabid grease weasel drowned in a vat of canola” hair. The rabid grease weasel had taken a coconut oil bath before being drowned in the canola. Volume? What is volume? Texture? What’s that?
The description promises every trope to have ever troped in a vampire novel, so if you’re into vampires, this might be for you. Personally, we’re a little curious why vampire-on-vampire action is forbidden. We are eyeballing this for possible reading in 2021, once the female has earned all 34 remaining Reese’s trees.
34 * 5,000 = 170,000, and she wants to write a bunch of 70,000-80,000 word novels in the near future to make up for the long ones coming out soon, so she must write two and a quarter novels to be able to eat all of her reese’s trees.
This is the only math that matters, humans. The math that brings forth the reese’s trees.
P.S.: Please don’t mail reese’s trees to the PO box. We love you, and we know a bunch of you would do just that, but please refrain. She has a box of 34 of them still to consume…
She is hoping to consume a tree at a rate of one per day. Wish her luck. She will need it.
What were we talking about again? Oh. Books.
Right. Books.
Happy reading, and make a list if you find a spectacular read the female might like. She will be asking for recommendations near Christmas.
But if it happens after Christmas, would you accept 3.1 lbs of chocolate of the not-quite-perfect but guaranteed tasty variety? Sweet treats and surprise package all in one!
https://www.purdys.com/chocolate/special-offers
I may have put some trees on my secret santa wishlist, after a bunch of friends cornered me. Because they’re evil. I’m worried about what will happen in my near future… I have to ration these things out!
I didn’t earn a tree yesterday. So much sadness.
Awwww 🙁
If you put out two feeders, with one a bit higher and sweeter than the other, the rufous will guard the higher and let others use the lower. I found this to work great and I was able to enjoy more birds visiting. Glad you are finding time to enjoy the small stuff.
Oh, mine share the feeder. They’ve been fairly civil about it, really. Which surprises me. Infrequent squabbles, and they have a pecking order of who gets to use it in which order, but everybody gets a turn!