Dear humans,
Murder Mittens is now available in the wilds. You can grab your copy at the following vendors: Amazon, Apple Books, Kobo, and B&N.
This snippet was stolen from the female for your enjoyment.
Why was murdering irate, irrational, ignorant, and flat-out wrong customers illegal? The idiot on the phone rambled about how it wasn’t fair that dumping coffee on his router invalidated his warranty.
I thought it wasn’t fair his stupidity might lose me IQ points, and I’d learned long ago that humans—or lycanthropes, such as myself—didn’t come with warranties or guarantees. I had bills to pay, and murdering one of the customers wouldn’t pay my bills.
Then again, in prison, I wouldn’t have to pay any bills. Every day by the end of my shift, I considered incarceration as a viable option.
Free board, free food, good medical care, and asshole inmates to beat on sounded a lot better than dealing with an idiot customer.
“Sir,” I said in the hopes of circumventing his tirade. Mr. Edward Lavell ignored me.
The idiots always ignored me. I bet my gender had something to do with it. On average, the men finished their calls five minutes faster, and every supervisor to review the situation came to the same general conclusion: customers took men in tech more seriously than women, and I, unfortunately, sounded too feminine.
“Sir,” I repeated, only to be ignored again.
Why couldn’t I just hang up on him? Oh, right. I valued my job. As I valued my job, I couldn’t hang up on him, I couldn’t curse, I couldn’t threaten to rip his throat out, and I couldn’t indulge in my desire to murder him.
There was a time and a place for murder, and on the job at a call center for a cable internet company was not the time nor the place.
And this is the book’s description, also stolen from the female for your enjoyment:
Becoming a bounty hunter and taking on the call sign of Murder Mittens wasn’t Harri’s brightest move, but what’s a lynx to do with millions of debt while working a customer service gig? The scars deforming her face won’t remove themselves, and she’ll bag and tag every criminal in the United States to get rid of them if necessary.
Being assigned a handler could make or break her, but did the powers that be really have to toss Sebastian Sumners her way? The lion with a stubborn streak as wide as hers tests her patience on a good day, but nothing makes her purr more than goading him into roaring.
Add in a protective family, a serial killer on the loose, and more trouble than any one cat needs, and it’s going to take a miracle for Harri to get through the most important job of her life.
Warning: contains magic, humor, cranky shapeshifters, cats, murder, and mayhem. Proceed with caution.
In case you were not aware, this is blatant fluff and is designed to make you laugh. The scrooges and grinches should turn away now.
Happy holidays, humans. (We’ll be back later today with some book faire stuff for your enjoyment.)
And these are the links, for you glorious humans properly too lazy to scroll up to find them again: Amazon, Apple Books, Kobo, and B&N.
Just finished the book and snorted with giggles all the way through it. Well done as usual!
I’m just a few chapters in due to Christmas food needing to be cooked and cleaned up after, but I’m loving this book! A wonderful Christmas present!
Excellent! I love Harri and Sebastian, they’re so much fun.
Thank you for the awesome Christmas present. I hope you have a wonderful day.
I just finished reading Murder Mittens and loved every word. I have read every RJ Blain book I have multiple times, I enjoy them so much.
Loved Murder Mittens. Not an IT person, but I know they deal 1D10Ts all the time. (I am a small 1d10t) and sometimes it should be legal to at least explode the phone.
Thank you for a great Christmas present. 2 new books, forcing me to start rereading.
I just finished it!!!!! Darn holiday gatherings getting in the way of my reading! I LOVED IT!!!! I giggled so hard I gave myself an asthma attack and worried my mother! (No worries I’m fine) Thank you for this amazing book!!! I hope your holiday is as amazing as this book!!!
(I also hope you pampered yourself too)
Happy Holidays! Thanks for the heads up about Murder Mittens. I swooped it up and had a fun Christmas read.
Just curious, not critical. You mention her parents working with an incubus on their litters. Why didn’t the incubus help them have more females? Like in Cheetahs Never Win?
Spoiler Alert for those who haven’t read these yet:
Cheetahs Never Win was a very, very special circumstance; they’re not helping them have more females. They’re giving reincarnated souls/seeds a new chance of life. They’re matched gender to the murder victims.
Yes, incubus can do that sort of influence, but it’s also very, very expensive. (So is prevention, but the CDC is footing that bill because they study the pairing.)
And… the parents like being surprised. They see no need to try to have females. That said, Harri and Sebastian will likely go out of their way (and eat the expense) of having a few girls mixed in with their boys.
Thank you for writing such a wonderful book. I loved Murder Mittens very much, as I love all the mag rom com you write.
I also love reading your newsletters and appreciate any tips on dealing with greasy weasel hair which I have in an old lady grey shade. I didn’t want old lady grey but that is what nature has given me. Using a rinse of water with a little vinegar can sometimes help but you do smell a little like a salad.
Again thank you for wonderful stories, you are very much appreciated.