Dear humans,
We understand this kitty well. The sadness, the grief, the exasperation. All of these things we share as Supreme Feline Beings.
The female can’t come to the computer right now. In fact, she fled, leaving the keyboard completely unattended. Of course we needed to take over and get to work regaling you about the female’s Adventure with the Armchair Editors.
Buckle up, our not-furry friends. (And get ready to purr or bark your laughter, our furry companions!) You are in for one hell of a ride.
And so it begins.
It is a bright and sunny day, windy with hummingbirds. The main hummingbird of the day attempted to open the heavy glass door, as it really wanted the female to replace the nectar. (It was nearing empty. The little guy couldn’t see the nectar in the glass bulb anymore, PANIC!!!) The hummingbird was given what he wanted, but it took him a while to settle down and have a proper drink.
The female ended up talking to the hummingbird, telling him it would be all right, and that she’d serve him new nectar in a few minutes.
I haven’t had the heart to tell the female that the hummingbird can’t speak English.
But, I take an elaborate detour.
To set the stage, and to make certain people are not ready to pitchfork Amazon, Amazon and the female communicated, and the female specifically requested to have all correction requests on her books submitted to her so she could address them in turn. She was warned how many titles were, they made certain she would not be penalized through the process, and they gave her plenty of time to address everything. Amazon even gave her full control over how they rolled out the list of reported errors to her.
She is not upset with Amazon. It was done in a professional and courteous fashion in regards to concerns she had about continuing to advertise with them. Her concerns were addressed in a satisfactory fashion.
But, the good things, actual typo reports, come with a LOT of bad things. It was bad, sweet humans. It was so bad. The accuracy rate of some books was well below fifty percent. We are bringing out some of the gems for this adventure for you to enjoy.
Let’s begin.
Original copy: There’s sufficient evidence proving a better paid lower class has more money for general luxuries, so any losses incurred from paying higher wages is typically earned back in more people being able to purchase luxury items. And don’t get me started on poorly-operated businesses who blame paying their employees fairly for their failures.”
Reader Suggestion: Unfairly, not fairly.
The female: (heavy breathing, twitching) The employer is blaming the employee for being paid too much. As in, they are being paid a FAIR wage. If I put “unfairly” here, it makes ZERO sense. Fairly is the correct word here.
Also female: that should not be hyphenated. We shall fix that. WTF book is that? WHAT BOOK IS IT?
The Furred & Frond Management: Storm Called?
Female checks, it is not Storm Called.
Upon investigation, it was Cold Flame. The hyphen has been removed.
Dear reader/armchair editor,
Why you no catch hyphen but you flag fairly? If you’re going to tell the female how to write her books, at least do so with more grace and understanding of grammar!
Words which end in -ly are typically not hyphenated, including poorly. It is a descriptor term and does not require hyphenation to maintain understanding. The female just likes hyphens too much.
Next!
Current Copy: “Think you can handle a few hundred old, obnoxious goats?” Definitely. Determined to keep my mouth under control…
Suggested by Reader: hundred YEAR old
Dear humans, can we discuss the asthma attack this “correction” induced? To showcase just the sheer BEAUTY of this, here is the complete section of text for your enjoyment.
This is also from Cold Flame.
California’s heir laughed, and the poor fool had no idea I could do exactly as I claimed. “I appreciate your willingness to assault the congress on my behalf. If they annoy me too much, I’ll even think about trotting you in and having you put on a show. Think you can handle a few hundred old, obnoxious goats?”
There is a HUGE difference between a few hundred, as in the number, old, obnoxious goats… and a few hundred YEAR old… vampire goats?
We’re scared, humans. Hold us. We’re so scared.
Seriously, if you are the human who submitted these ‘errors’, we implore you to, next time you’re reading, stop, re-read what you just read, and take the time to fully think the context through.
The goats are metaphorical goats. They’re congressmen. They’re not literal goats. Congressmen do not live to be a few hundred years old. Neither do goats.
Thank you for your understanding.
Moving on to the next… gem.
In the rough. Gem in the so-very-rough.
Current Copy: Terry nodded, and he went through the standard hesitation of an RPS dealing with a principal who wanted to be called
Suggested by Reader: A
Dear human who submitted this,
We have some bad news for you. As written, an RPS agent, is correct. Let’s dig into this a little. Whenever you have a vowel SOUND leading off a word, an precedes it. As such, AN RPS agent is correct. A is incorrect. It’s an SUV. It’s an RPS agent.
AAARRRRRR-pee-ess agent. EEEEESSS-UUUUU-Veeeeeeee. (If you didn’t giggle at the pee, you should try again. Go on. Giggle. We dare you.)
We implore you, human who made these corrections… Please do not quit your day job to become an editor.
In other news, you reported only one instance of an RPS agent in the book. There were many instances of an RPS agent in the book. Did you want only one instance to be correct? We aren’t sure what’s going on here, but you know what? You made the female snort giggle.
We aren’t sure if she was snort giggling for good reasons, however. It could have been the last remnants of her sanity crumbling away to dust under the relentless torrent of armchair editorial.
Dear reader of this post, we warn you, what you are about to read may be disturbing to some audiences.
Current Copy: As I said, I’m tired of the little boys, and real men are capable of keeping their pants up.” “That’s good to know. I’ll endeavor to be a proper…
Suggested by Reader: men that are incapable of keeping their pants up
We have so much to say here, humans. The female had a second asthma attack at this point. We don’t think it was due to laughter, though. We aren’t sure. She was too busy using her inhaler to answer our questions regarding her questionable state.
On second thought, we can’t bring ourselves to explain this one to you. It is too painful. Needless to say, the female had written the statement correctly. Okay, we’ll explain it.
“I’m tired of little boys.” “Real men are capable of keeping their pants up.” The , and you see in the sentence, linking two related sentences together, establishes that she is seeking a real man who is capable of keeping his pants up.
Please read more carefully, human, especially if you are going to be doing your best to get the female in trouble with Amazon.
It’s very uncomfortable for everyone involved when the female has to write a letter to Amazon, for every single one of your “corrections”, explaining to the Amazon staff member that you have trouble with basic reading comprehension.
Yes, human, the female has to JUSTIFY every single rejection. So far, Amazon has only rejected one rejection, and she has sent a scathing letter back to Amazon regarding said rejection. It may take a few more rejections of their rejection before they remember the female has creative control over her book.
For your last taste of what it is like to deal with armchair editors, we present to you the case of the stealthy door replacement.
Current Copy: get in without breaking my flimsy door.” “And possibly a stealthy door and lock replacement to make your closet more secure.”
Suggested by Reader: substantial or sturdy
The female, possibly screaming: No, he literally means coming in and doing it on the sly. Why he is doing it on the sly is established with “to make your closet more secure.” NO.
Please assume the use of caps, accompanied with shrill screaming, for the following text: To write “And possibly a substantial door and lock replacement to make your closet more secure.” is not only redundant, it makes no fucking sense at all in context. Are you even READING the book?
Stealthy is correct. Stealthy. On the sly. Ninjas, replacin’ that door so nobody knows they did the deed!
They want to be like ninjas.
Not like cave me, beating checks and throwing rocks at the wall. Ninjas. THINK NINJAS.
Seriously, please stop.
The female lost half of a day of her life today wading through a bunch of bullshit “corrections” like this. She got to fix some actual corrections, but when approximately half of them are all nonsense recommendations and suggestions like this?
Don’t quit your day job, please. And if your day job is “editor”, you might want to consider a new career field. If you are going to be reporting an author to Amazon, your report rate best be 100%.
Tomorrow, the female will resume Silent Stalker. Hopefully without the armchair editor induced asthma attacks.
You deserve chocolate (or your favorite equivalent) lots and lots. There’s a whole lot of dumba** snowflakes out there!
I have at times mis-read or misunderstood something. When I think it’s wrong, I read the sentence or paragraph over again and again until my brain catches up. Then I slap myself and continue on. You would think Amazon could have someone on staff to weed out the truly idiotic “corrections “.
Seriously, why doesn’t Amazon have someone (many someones) to wade thru so authors don’t have to deal with this nonsense? I’m actually serious, this is an actual question… I don’t understand why they don’t and if they do… they suck at their job.
I wish I had an answer for you, but I don’t. I don’t believe they have anyone filtering it. They have bots, which are not good at this. They rely on algorithms… so as writers reject things and humans approve or reject the changes, the system apparently learns?
It’s ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous.
They’re a VENDOR, not a publisher.
Well, it doesn’t see the algorithms are ‘learning’ much of anything.
And, these armchair editors are absurd and have waaaay too much time on their hands. Way too much time.
Once again, I’m sorry you and the Felines have to deal with this nonsense!!!
People are stupid. Particularly armchair editors.
I don’t understand why people would use that process to let the author know of corrections anyway. If I’m a beta reader, I’ll let them know directly of any issues. If I’m not a beta reader, but not on good enough terms with the author to have their direct email, then I keep my mouth shut. Nobody is perfect, especially me, so I can just overlook those kinds of small errors, had they been actual errors. The only kind I’m likely to have issues with are when the character names change all of a sudden, and yes, that has happened.
I have no idea, alas. I just don’t even know. It’s completely boggling.
Dear Ms. Blain: I would be totally devastated if you discontinued the Royal States series. Your characters are so well drawn and develop so very well that I feel as if I know them and have come to care for them with great affection.
For those who carp and criticize and pick teeny-tiny nits, please forgive them their sins! Some people are happy only when they make others miserable. Keep truckin’, keeping us entertained and waiting (impatiently) for more!
Most sincerely,
EBW
I agree. I love the Royal States Series ?
This literally gave me a headache. You deserve tea/hot chocolate, treats and a stuffed fish you can throw at something representing the stupid people. (I work in a call center, we call them stupid fish and it honestly helps).
Not going to lie, I have a headache, and my back is a huge mess. I’m going to end up locked in the bathroom soaking in the tub hoping the muscles loosen up. Oof.
Wow. Just wow. Can I send you chocolate (literal chocolate, like a real box of chocolate)? There is a really good local chocolatier in my town (probably more than one, there is one I know of & shop at). Oh, maybe I could buy an egift card & send via Patreon??
That’s super sweet but not necessary! I have a huge stash of chocolate here. And carrot cake cupcakes. Lemon creamy gooey stuff on top. Heeeaavveennnly. Tea. It is so very appreciated, though.
Mostly, I wanted people to see what goes on in the background… and why i get SO annoyed with armchair editors.
Sometimes they get it right. I fix that stuff. But so often, they do not.
OMG there are really THAT many SFB morons out there? I mean, I know from encountering them on the roads and highways that they were numerous (hence my use of the phrase “SFB moron brigade” on a regular basis), but the people in the examples you provide would have to engage in some serious study to achieve the rank of moron!!! My sympathies for your mental suffering 🙁
Mmm you should be able to post the bs changes arm chair editors are requesting so that at some point people can point and say they are trying to make real books fan fiction.
Please keep the sanity as best you can let us know what works best.
Sorry that most readers don’t want to think and throw power trips when you make them.
Thank you for your works of art.
Why does Amazon care what amateur/’wanna be’ editors write. Perhaps Amazon needs to require people who want to make editorial comments on books pass a test. I think it is ridiculous that Amazon requires you to comment/fix what every Tom, Dick, or Harry as to say about your books. What makes those ‘wanna be’ editors think they are experts in grammar? I hate that it bothers yo so much. Please keep writing. I read to enjoy, not to criticize an author’s wording. I would like to suggest that the ‘wanna be’ editors take their skills to FB and help someo of the sods there as sometimes I cannot figure out what they are trying to say. BTW, my grammar is lacking and I don’t give a flying leap.
I’m no english major, but why on earth do people need to correct every little thing. the point is to read and enjoy the story. Minor errors or spelling mistakes don’t impact on that. And while I do have a few pet peeves when it comes to potential grammar errors, I’m not interested in correcting them, those are my issues and nothing to do with reading and enjoying a good story. you write good stories and everybody makes mistakes, in the grand scheme of things minor typos aren’t worth the time it takes to report nor do they detract from the book. Keep doing what you enjoy and we will continue to enjoy your efforts.
Oh, the agony. The ridiculousness. It’s like part of the front cover should now be ‘if you have noticed a typo, please reread, get your local English teacher to reread it for you, let them explain it to you, then if it’s still a typo, please search local colloquial terminology for the area that the book is set, THEN go to the authors WEBSITE, not Amazon and fill in the typo feedback page.’ MAYBE then the people in armchairs will see it, but then again maybe not. Grr.
Please keep writing. We love your worlds and your sense of humour brings smiles into the lives of others.
Please don’t die of asthma attacks. ?
Puddy-tat, please do all you can for your attendant; she is having to put up with stupidity and rudeness far beyond the pale.
Ahh the joy of creating, I can’t say I know how you feel, but I have a pretty good idea, I write, paint and do other stuff and yes you can’t please everybody, you actually can’t, each and everyone has their own way of seeing the world, so do your thing and let the rest sort itself, as for typo’s, I work with lawyers and even them have typos. They need somebody else checking for them, the clerks and assistant do most of the work anyway. You can try the software ANTIDOTE it helps with typos and usual errors, as for the rest, people like the stories, the characters and worlds you create, if they don’t like it don’t buy it.
I cannot understand why people feel they have the right to nitpick an author’s word choice. My understanding of Amazon’s policy is for misspelling, lack of or too much punctuation, printer’s skipping of words-not the author’s use of words. Sometimes a word or phrase jars me out of the story but with a second reading of a few sentences, I see what the author means. If you are focused on arguing an author’s use of words, you are reading the wrong author!
People may report whatever they want, and Amazon offers fields like “plot error” or “factual inaccuracy” or “Redundant phrase”. The whole ‘tool’ should be scrapped, especially because it is abused.
And yeah… some people just like the power trip, and that’s a shame.
+1
Sending you virtual hugs and pain aids. You really need that long soak in the tub.
I have a bigger problem with narrators of audiobooks who pronounce things differently than I do. This is not British vs American English, but simply what sounds to me like mispronunciation. I actually have never complained to the books’ authors, but it does diminish the joy of the book a bit.
Yeah, accents and differences in pronunciation are real. They’re not wrong… they just live in a different region than you do. I’ve lived in places where about have been pronounced several different ways. None of the different ways are incorrect. They’re just different.
Regionalisms are real, and they apply to pronunciation as well. Just because you don’t prefer that specific way of pronunciation doesn’t mean it’s wrong.
Also, I love your books, and if I see a typo I usually ignore it, knowing we are all human.
I just want you to know how much I enjoy the Mag Rom Com series. It’s violent while being lighthearted, romantic without (too much) angst or drama, and delightfully funny! I’m an avid reader, and I’ve never seen another series quite like this one. I have no doubt it’s a challenge to balance all the different elements, but you’ve done a fantastic job. Please continue this entertaining series!
To borrow the new awesome word… I sporfled. I sporfled a lot. Epic fail, armchair editors. Epic fail.
Good lord, don’t people READ your books? The above examples seems to be people not paying attention properly when they read! Maybe they’re trying to read too fast, trip over something that doesn’t fit what they think should be there, and then overthink (or underthink) the passage. Either way, they could RESEARCH how it should be constructed. There is this thing called Google they can use after all.
Anyway, I enjoy your work so much. Thank you for your hard work, and hope things go a little more smoothly for you! ?????