Hey, fellow humanoids, cats in disguise, or whatever you might be.
Some of you have expressed varying degrees of disappointment that I am a human with feelings. That I shouldn’t rant because someone (who isn’t me) might have their feelings hurt, or that I am behaved badly for having feelings and daring to express them.
Don’t feel you have to reply to this. It’s not really a rant, per se, but it is a reminder of reality.
I often get thank you letters from those who are appreciative that my books provide an escape. (You’re very welcome, and thank you for writing in. I often lack the energy to reply to the notes, but Jenny sends them to me, I see them, and they’re very appreciated!)
I’m mentally ill. (Anxiety and depression and SAD.) I recognize openly discussing this will make some people uncomfortable. I’m not expressing myself to make anyone comfortable. I am medicated for these things, but medicated doesn’t mean “immediately or even ever fixed.”
There are people with worse anxiety and depression than I have. That doesn’t make my problems less real. There are people with lesser grades of anxiety and depression than I have. That doesn’t make their anxiety or depression any less real.
It is not a competition. So, if you have a loved one who has one of these terrible disorders or illnesses, don’t discount someone for not having the exact same thing you do.
It’s easy to do that. (And it’s not right.)
I’m expressing myself for those of you who are also mentally ill, who are also chronically ill, or who are otherwise ostracized for being different have somewhere they can go and see there is someone just like them–someone who isn’t afraid to let people know the anxiety won, the challenges of depression, or the struggles with physical health.
I put myself out because I don’t want to be shoved in a closet anymore than anyone else does.
On a happier but related note…
Today, I did this thing. I got on my little torture device, and I made it go vroom vroom (sound effects by yours truly) without actually going anywhere while seated at my desk.
I had convinced myself 7-9 minutes had been my limit.
I decided I needed to see what my limit actually was. I didn’t push too hard. I set a good, easy, and stable pace, one that got my heart rate to elevate enough to count as exercise–and a pace that would not cause injury.
I hit 10 minutes, had to pause the timer to fix the stupid ass bike because I got what I paid for, so I have to tighten it every 10 minutes, but I got back on and continued to 20 minutes. (It was like a 20 seconds breather to fix the bike.)
I went in expecting failure. I came out with unexpected success.
That’s depression in a nutshell.
I always go in expecting failure.
Depression isn’t just feeling sad all the time or something like that. Sometimes, it’s not feeling anything at all. But then suddenly, something trips the trigger, and then you feel everything again.
Then you feel overwhelmed. You have a sink full of dishes. Your apartment looks like an episode of hoarders. Everyone needs something from you, and you can’t even get the basics situated.
The cycle begins again.
You feel nothing… and then you feel overwhelmed.
It is not comfortable to watch, getting a first-hand look at the consequences of mental illness. It’s also not comfortable to watch consequence, period.
I suspect a bunch of people are uncomfortable right now because I have brought to light how good intentions can do a great deal of harm to someone–someone they never meant to harm.
But here’s the thing.
Your good intentions don’t mean anything when those intentions harm the person you meant to help.
And that hurts like fucking hell to face.
Why? It’s simple. You have to apologize, even when you don’t feel you have done something wrong. You were doing a good act, right? Why should you have to apologize for doing something good?
It’s not good if it hurts someone, that’s why.
It sucks having to swallow back the resentment and tell someone you’re sorry they were hurt by your actions.
I’ve done it numerous times throughout my career.
I will not apologize for something my characters said or did that hurt your feelings, though. I have had readers slide into messages (when I still had them open) informing me my characters did a hurtful thing to them and they didn’t appreciate it, and that they wanted an apology.
No. I am not my characters, and the things my characters say or do are what they would say or do. I will not apologize for telling a story that made you uncomfortable.
For example, someone who genuinely meant well became upset that a character stated they were going to adopt because they couldn’t have kids of their own.
That is what the character said. Some people who adopt or have been adopted do not appreciate this choice of words.
I get that.
But that is what the character would say. That was the society that character was brought up in. I am not going to make the characters puppets that fit your perfect world or your view of political correctness.
I have characters who say racist things.
I will not erase racism from my novels.
I will not erase abuse from my novels.
I will not erase reality from my novels.
I will have characters who use words most would rather not hear.
These are reflections of the character, not me. I am not my characters.
I have plenty of characters who follow political beliefs I don’t particularly care for.
I have characters who adhere to religious practices I don’t agree with, too.
Guess what? I jump the fence whichever direction I feel because I am looking to tell a good story. Some societal elements just come bundled with great conflict.
That’s why they’re used.
I take things I like and put them over the top and turn them into evil things all the time.
(Can your assumptions over my political orientation. I promise you that you’re just fucking wrong on anything you assume about me. Unless we sat down and had a chat about it, you have no idea what my stances are.)
I twist things I like into evil things all the time. I also vilify things I don’t like in equal measure.
In short, unless I directly told you what I feel about a subject, you don’t know, so don’t act like you do.
I can tell you the one thing you DO know: I am human.
I have human feelings.
I have human tendencies.
I do human things.
When upset, I will express those feelings, especially to the audience that created the source of upset.
Am I saying that everyone or even many of you did the hurtful thing?
No. But if I do not tell you that this is hurtful, it will never change.
Once I tell you, “this thing is hurtful, please stop” should you continue to do the hurtful thing, that is on you. It is no longer on me.
Fool me once, shame on me…
Fool me twice, shame on you…
Hurt me once, and I don’t speak up… that’s on me.
But hurt me twice, and I did speak up… that’s on you.
I am human, and I would like to be treated like I am a human.
I make mistakes. I express myself for the good and the bad. I don’t want to be shoved in a corner because I make people uncomfortable. I don’t want to exist solely to make other people happy, slaving away at writing books meant to entertain and bring joy… while expected to sit in a corner and pretend everything is fine and perfect.
Many of you do want to escape. Many of you do mean well.
But I am human, and that means that I’m not going to be able to act like everything is fine and perfect. I am human, and that does mean I’m not going to always make you comfortable or happy.
I am human, and that means you get an entire package, good and bad.
If you don’t want the entire package, I really encourage you to sign up for bookbub. You will be notified of new releases when they come out, and you can maintain your distance without having to see the whole picture. You can just enjoy the books. You can find my other author aliases on bookbub as well. Bookbub is the place to go if you want to follow an author without having to face the fact they are human.
But on my page and my website, I am allowed to be human. I am allowed to express myself. If you don’t like what I say, I pay the consequence for that when you leave and find someone more suiting your personal taste.
If you don’t like what I say and decide to sever the relationship, well, that’s also a consequence because my page and my blog are my space.
You don’t have to like what I say. You don’t have to listen to what I say, either.
But I am human, and those spaces are mine. I am not one dimensional, existing solely to improve your world. Do I enjoy improving the world of those around me?
Absolutely.
But, with the good comes the bad, and I am not going to sit in a corner and shut up solely because I make people uncomfortable just from being human.
The reality is, the reporting of typos to Amazon has directly harmed me. It has agitated my mental illness. It has literally made me sick on numerous occasions. It is, error by error, destroying my health.
It is a problem created by a corporation that created a tool to “improve” their marketplace.
I didn’t hire Amazon to edit my books. I didn’t hire readers to edit my books, either.
If you used the tool thinking you were doing good… you now know it doesn’t do good. People who come to my page have been told time and time again to please stop using the tool, it causes harm.
Accepting responsibility for hurting someone, even when you meant to do good, sucks. It just does.
On a happier note, some of the kickstarter swag game in. Yes, that is a branded pocket journal with a pen.
Alas, the company sent me some for a different company… with my pen on them. I will have to talk to them. I’m a little puzzled how this error happened, but this sort of thing happens in marketing.
And yes, I do like this color combination. It brings me joy. The pen isn’t the best it could be, but I really like the little purse/pocket journal, and so I had a bunch made for kickstarter people.
I hope that those who contributed to the kickstarter like this little prize that will find its way into boxes.
For those who stayed to listen… thank you.
For those who didn’t, that’s all right, too.
Have a good day. I must go write in to a company asking why I have journals from an air conditioning company that are partnered with my pens. Oy, oy, oy.
You are my absolute favorite author, for any of your series. They make me happy, which means you are an essential part of keeping me sane and happy. Please take care of yourself, and know that someone (me) blows you kisses every day and prays for your good health.
I love the idea of people just blowing chef kisses in platonic ways. It just seems so friendly and happy.
Rant away I will always read and send good thoughts and hugs 🙂
Love your books, some have mad me cry but that a sign of a good book
Being of a generation born in the middle of the last century, we were taught that swearing was a no no and not ladylike. Well, bollocks to that. Language has developed and its use either detracts or adds to the narrative. I love the way you use all language to make the story move along either to shock, laugh or make a valid point. We are all different from different generations. This is good as all being the same would be fardling boring. Your books are not boring but entertaining and enlightening.
I am so sorry that boring pedantic arseholes have upset you so much. Just remember that you are you and the best. We all wish you well and give our support as best we can.
Also, my 91 year old mum suffers the winter blues badly. I introduced her to your books and ended up buying the full set for her. She loves you as well.
Do take care and cuddle the moggies. x
Something I hope makes you smile. Yesterday I wasn’t even aware of the Bernadette Franklin books. Today I’m halfway thru the second one! Your brand of snark and romance (and magic) are fabulous, thank you for your time and effort. I’ll be thrilled if a notebook ends up in my kickstarter, but will be be happy with a crayon and coloring page!
I am sorry for all the problems you are having with complaints. I read almost all of your series, my favorite is the Royal States. I buy them in kindle and paperback. I Can’t wait for them in paperback. I do not mind paying twice. This seems to be right but I use spell check a lot because I. can’t spell. When I find a misspelling I have to look it up to see if it really is wrong. When I become perfect with what I am doing then I will write to critisize. (sorry no Dictionary with me to check for the right spelling).For those who think they should tell you, just tell them they have a pen and to change it in their book if it bothers them. Have a good day and know that here are many of us who really like your books.
I totally llovethis suggestion!
For those who think they should tell you, just tell them they have a pen and to change it in their book if it bothers them.
Thank you for the joy and solice that reading (and re-reading repeatedly) your books has given me.
Sending dog snuggles from my pooch Cadi as we do not have cats (I miss the cat purrs but don’t miss the sneezing).
“I must go write in to a company asking why I have journals from an air conditioning company that are partnered with my pens.”
Well, obviously because your work is like a breath of fresh air!
I’m shocked you have to state “These are reflections of the character, not me. I am not my characters.” The concept that it’s possible to know an artist by their work baffles me. (As an aside, it also twitches the odd little thing that I use in place of a sense of humor.) Ah, well …
I support you. You are allowed how you feel. You are allowed to be human and as a human you are allowed to hurt and be sad and any other feeling that you have. I hate the idea that a random person could hurt you like that and I hope you feel better soon.
No one has the right to dictate YOUR words or worlds! They are YOURS! And they are beautiful in all their gritty glory.
I love your work and hope to read many more books by you. Thank you for sharing how you feel and I hope things get better.
Ma’am – I am one of those who don’t read everything you write, but I appreciate that you do write things I like to read. Your hyper-critics can step off (taking a very long walk down a very short pier).
Stay the course; you are important to many people who depend on you for escape. You have stories to share, and we have stories to read.
Amazon needs to change its policies. I’ve written them many times to change their policy. I’ve told them they are not publishers nor lending libraries they are merchants not schools. I will read everything you write and love it. If you’ve made an error I don’t even see it I’m to engrossed in the story. Stay strong ? I love everything you write
I am quite disappointed in myself in that I missed out on your KickStarter Projects. I hope to not miss out on any other ones in the futurre.
I will be opening a preorder store for the kickstarter that basically will let people who missed it order books at the same rate as the kickstarter people. So $25 per signed copy—definitely expensive, but the funds will all end up going to paying for work stuff, like audiobook production, etc. (I basically plan on pocketing a buck a book for personal stuff and everything else will just go to taxes, expenses, cost of delivery, more career stuff.)
I don’t comment often, just wanted to say that you are allowed to be human. And my cats send hugs! 🙂
I have to admit that I am only interested in purchasing E-books and Audiobooks. I haven’t purchased a paperback or a hardback in ages, just no more room.
That’s quite okay. The kickstarter is for paperback editions!
Do you have a Kickstarter for more audio books?
No. I already polled people generally, and I wouldn’t have enough people who could pay for them to make a kickstarter work. (The audiobooks are just too expensive to produce.) Plus some logistical problems on top of it.
Amazon is in it for the money we all know that! Real talent and imagination is beyond their comprehention! Those who share their standards have sold their soul and humanity to comply with a lower level of spiritual awareness! Perhaps that is why they lack sensitivity! Certainly it would explain why they fail to understand true genious! People who find themselves wanting to stuff themselves into uniformity, will never fully appreciate the uniqueness of a free thinker! They will also never experience the incredible highs and the devastating lows of the emotional roller coaster that makes up the human reality! They will never fully see beyond what they are told to believe. Reality, truth, and original thought are not in their vocabulary. Be thankful that you and those of us that love your books have evolved further than that two dementional world of black and white! We may cry harder but we will always laugh louder, what a blessing!
Why in HELL would an adoptee find the phrase “they were going to adopt because they couldn’t have kids of their own.” offensive???? My hubby and I are both adopted and if this phrase ever triggered a negative from either of us we would get our heads examined! That’s just bloody insane! Every adoptee has their story but I can’t think of any of em (that I know, and I know THOUSANDS) having an issue with it, only someone whose NOT adopted could, perhaps, find fault! People, ya’ll need to get a life and leave Ms. Blain alone! If ya’ll don’t like her books, DON’ READ THEM!! I personally LOVE HER WORK AND OWN ALL OF HER BOOKS IN EREADER FORM AND, WOULD BUY ALL OF THEM IN HARDBACK FORM IF IT HELPED HER FINACIALLY ( and if I had the room, lol). No other author have I read and reread as many times as I have read hers and, will continue to do so, IT’S MY PERSONAL THERAPY!!!!!!! THANK YOU MS BLAIN FOR KEEPING ME SANE!!! 🙂
Apparently, I was supposed to use “because they couldn’t have biological children.” I will admit, my eyebrow went allllll the way up over it.
I don’t know, personally. People will always find something to be offended over. Personally, I liked that these characters who, upon finding out they COULD have children of their own would still adopt anyway… just a little *after* settling with their quartet of infants. I think it’s a case of they found something relevant to their interests but it wasn’t delivered in a way that was ideal for them, and they wanted it to be molded after their vision of a perfect world.
None of my characters are perfect, and I prefer for them to continue making mistakes, verbalizing things they perhaps shouldn’t, and so on.I do think it’s a shame that the message was lost because they were so concerned about political correctness, though.
As a creator, the quest for political correctness is hugely damaging.
“Don’t be a racist!” is an anthem… but why NOT have a racist character if the character is like that?
Just because I write a racist character doesn’t mean jack shit about me. All it means is that I have written a racist character.
I parted ways with an editor at one point because she did not want to edit a character who had different political beliefs than her own. That is fine. If she isn’t comfortable editing a character, that’s not my concern. I do regret she assumed that because I wrote a character of that bent it meant I was obviously a villain who believes what my characters do.
It is what it is. People commonly forget characters are not the author.
I experiment when I write. I write about views I’m not familiar or comfortable with often so I can step outside of my particular comfort zone.
Not everyone is going to like that.
I’m sorry people are being ass-hats. I love your books and hope they shut the hell up so you can get back to enjoying writing them for us.
Thank you. I get it.
If people would only go into a book as if they were entering a foreign country with different laws and values than the one in which they live, there would be less of a problem.
But, I have to say, some people just adore being problems.
? to them.
I’m proud of your bike efforts. I’m struggling with body image confidence to go back to the gym that I pay for a membership at. Great job you!
Have a fantastic day!
Having unfortunately witnessed this a few times in my travels… Americans can be SO horrible when they go to a foreign country. The entitlement! And I’ve seen how they genuinely just behave like the laws and values should bend just because they’re there… Ooooof.
I try to learn some of the common customs before I travel somewhere, especially regarding tipping, basic social courtesies, differences in cussing, etc.
Yeah, I think maybe that can happen with Australians going to Asia too. I was told a story just the other day that shocked me, I thought my fellow Auzzies were humble travellers, but my Asian friend told me that when heaps of Auzzies go where she is from, they expect to have WHATEVER they ask for. It’s just not possible. Then they act entitled because they are paying for it. There has been some famous cases of Auzzies getting arrested in Asia and saying ‘I only just did this, or that’ and completely forgetting that that country has a different set of values that may mean you can’t wander around in shorts and expect not to get in trouble, let alone break big laws that are the same with lesser charges in our own country.
People! ??
You have common decency. We must study where we are going, it just makes sense. There just doesn’t seem to be much of that going around lately.
Thank you for exploring the variety of humanity instead of writing cookie cutters. Which would inevitably offend someone anyway. (And really if we’re going with the logic that an author’s characters reflect the author & their personal beliefs, then we have a whole bunch of authors that support murder and terrorism and all sorts of other such things…. C’mon, really people??? I know, I know, common sense and logic is a superpower.)
Thank you for pushing back against and calling out those who get offended that the sky is the wrong shade of blue. Everyone is entitled to their opinion but they are not entitled to force others to the same opinion. They’re not even entitled to share their opinion.
Thank you for speaking up for all of us who have invisible struggles, whose outward appearance belies the internal storm. For saying that good intentions don’t always mean good impacts.
If you’re a huggy person, then I am sending a bear hug. If you’re not, then I’m sending a supportive shoulder tap.
Thank you for being human.
Hello, fellow human. I have also struggled with mental illness for most of my life, so I can relate to what you’re saying. Some days I think about all the things I want to do, and can’t make myself do anything. Other days I want to do all the things, which usually results in my doing little bits of several things and not finishing any of them. Fortunately, most days are somewhere in between.
Congratulations on doing 20 minutes on your bike! That’s huge!
There’s more that I might say, but I don’t want to make you feel like I’m trying to make your thing be about me. That’s not cool.
Celebrate your triumphs. I was about to insert a platitude here, but fuck that. Be who you are, feel what you feel, knowing that you are right to do so.
Andrea
Lifelong oddball
Bravo! Very well said.
Thank you, sister! Your work has become a safe place for me when I can’t deal with what is around me, be it related to Covid, or the not-fun place/life I’m forced to live while waiting for Disability. I can escape into one of your worlds and know I am safe no matter what happens to the characters. How boring would it be to read books where all the characters were PC and perfect! I’ve read authors who tried, and their books were disasters. Really, if you know how the book will end halfway through the first chapter, why bother? If each book goes the same place with just a change of names, there is really no reason to keep producing them. Your characters are real, and that means the have real problems, and live in different situations. They are not Perfect in any way, other than being perfectly imperfect, which is what makes your Voice so enjoyable. I look forward to getting to read more of your work, whatever world it is set in.
I am very PROUD of you! Have fought same three illnesses since my early 20s{am 79 now} and battled the people who don’t understand-not easy when needing to hide emotional illness as I spent 20 years teaching Special Education children and was very good judging by all reports and most parents. Sorry, got sidetracked! Please keep writing, expressing your hurt and anger and educating your readers about an illness many of us live with daily. Do have a question: are we still going to get your books in audible form? Am no longer able to hold a book and love your stories.
Yes, there is just a very long process to get them made.
Thank you for continuing the audiobooks! I am more than happy to read an e-book but I love your audio books! My motto has always been there are too many books out there to read many of them twice. I have re-listened to several of your books more than twice. They make me laugh and are perfect for road trips or those times when I feel daunted by the thought of engaging in well….anything. Hugs! BeYOUtiful!
Sending warm thoughts and chef’s kisses your way. I am constantly either re-reading passages of your books or listening to them via audio.
Also I went over to kickstarter to check things out. Please let me know when or if you will be re-opening it back up. I would love to buy the Royal States series.
I will be posting on the blog when the preorder store opens up; the only difference between preorder store and kickstarter itself will be the swag; the swag will be for the kickstarter, and anyone who orders through preorder store just gets anything extra I happen to have left over. 🙂
I love your books, all, even “The Royal States” which have been pounced upon by those that don’t understand the author-reader contract. I really hope that after some distance from the problem people you are able to tell the Royal States stories again! If you dropped the Amazon platform, I would still purchase your books from another digital platform. I love getting lost in your worlds – magic rom-coms w/a body count, Bernadette Franklin nuttiness, Royal States seriousness and mac & cheese that comes to life. So many series! I am glad your assistant is picking and choosing the worthwhile comments now. Good for your mental health!
Your description of depression was spot on. Always expecting failure is hard on you and all of your relationships. A majority of the time I don’t recognize the self-sabatoge and then something small swells into a monster!
People baffle me.
These are your stories, not theirs. Your characters may do exactly what you want them to do.
People are offended by them? Oh dear, read another book.
People enjoy them? That’s great, read another book.
It is not your job to please everyone. In fact it is not your job to please anyone, except yourself.
Please, care for yourself and let any who dare to dictate what and how you write just fade into the middle distance.
Personally I love your books, so I’ll go read another book too. (xxx)
Many thanks for being real and for sharing your wonderful worlds with us readers, even though I’m sure it’s often hard to do. Know that the gifts of your struggle are beacons of sanity in this life…especially since the spectre of wokeness is trying to eat creativity. I love your work in its many forms from Rift King on. Please keep on keeping’ on and remember that political correctness is great fodder for the creation of truly memorable assholes in stories.?
Thanks for your books, they make me happy from time to time. Stay well, and I look forward to seeing what you can do in the future!
Thank you for sharing. I have some of the same illnesses and have a family who often dismiss it and other issues I have. Your books give me great enjoyment even after multiple rereads. I understand clueless asshats. Family has been helping me with Dad since he broke a hip. Do to back issues I have mobility issues. Add on on a double bout of nutrasweet poisoning and I needed to let the others do the majority of the care. I got the funniest (not) complaint that caring for Dad from sunrise to sunset was tiring and I needed to help out. Well duh I only have been doing that for 2 years alone with no time off. Your books really help. They give a safe place. I’ve laughed and cried with the characters. Just remember there are those of us who are grateful you share your stories.
As a fellow depressive, and one who tries to be fairly open about the fact, I appreciate you opening up like this. I read and re-read your books to help get through my days and feel better. I can’t imagine having to deal with all the vitriol that is thrown at you, and then the company who’s supposed to be helping you sell things activity hindering you. And yeah, a lot of people get uncomfortable when someone says how they really feel, often from a warped sense that everything has to be happy go lucky all the time. Thank you for putting this out there. Only by brave people opening up about what they’re really going through is the rest of the world going to get used to, and hopefully try to actually be helpful to, folks whose brain chemistry happens to be a little different. Hang in there.
I write to escape. It’s my safe place as a general rule. The editing to publication and beyond is a lot harder, but the writing itself? It’s an escape. Like, on the surface, I have the perfect life. I have a great husband, I have two wonderful cats. We can afford our rent and put food on the table. But the depression has its own opinions.
It’s so important for people to be seen and understood.
I’ve had healthy people get upset with me because how DARE I talk about chronic pain or depression? I have nothing on the same scale as their loved one.
My problems aren’t the same… but it’s also not a contest.
Toxic positivity is real… and it feeds the Beast.