What is aphantasia? Aphantasia is a wiring fault in the brain that limits or completely blocks off a person’s ability to envision, recall/remember, or otherwise visualize anything in their mind. There are various stages of aphantasia. Some people can ONLY recall, and have no visual imagination. Some people can’t recall but have some ability to ‘create pictures in their head.’ Some people can’t remember what something smells, tastes, or feels like.
I have complete aphantasia. This means I have zero ability to create pictures in my head, remember images, remember sounds, remember textures (without feeling them directly), and so on.
For an example: I need my IRL friends to take a picture/selfie of themselves when they come to see me/I go to meet them somewhere. Aphantasia means I have no idea who I am looking for in a crowd. I reference their photo and then look for someone who is like the person I am looking for. When I see them, recognition is immediate. They’re in my memories, but I have no way of accessing those memories. The neuropathway in my brain is non-functional.
But, I am a goddess at meditation. Dark silent place in my brain? That is my default, baby.
This actually helps me on the centering portion of having a mental illness. It’s much easier to center when I can close my eyes and cut off reality, because all I get when my eyes are closed is the void.
So, why the picture of the map above?
I am working on an urban fantasy/paranormal romance mystery series. No, I’m not revealing the pen name, although I just gave you the genre as a clue. (My patreons will learn of the pen name first, as they will receive the book around the book’s release date. (Several days prior, so if they DID preorder the ‘debut’ book, they have a chance to cancel if they would like.)
The map will be a clear and present identifier of the series, as I will be releasing copies of the maps on the pen name’s website so people can reference it.
Aphantasia bit me in the ass because this city is huge. This city is large enough to eat… uhm… 20-25 Manhattan Islands. (Manhattan Island is 2.3 miles x 13.4.)
The city, which will not be named (as that would help identify the pen name (and NO don’t look for it yet, it hasn’t been put up ANYWHERE so you can’t find what doesn’t exist)) is 38 miles by 32 miles at its core.
It is massive. It’s not Long Island massive, though. (120 miles by 28 miles for the curious.)
The problem here is this city doesn’t exist in Google maps. I made it up. I use Google maps a lot to reference a real city I’m writing in. Aphantasia basically requires it.
There is no Google maps here.
I had to make Google maps. There will be buildings I will literally be drawing for the sake of my murder mystery.
On days like today, aphantasia fucking sucks.
This map represents approximately 15 or so hours of my life. I needed to consider every element of general human (and other life) and figure out how a species with a universal trait of potential insanity would lay out their city.
Oh, there’s an underground, too, so this entire map will have to be recreated in the same scale, shape, and so on to reflect where shit is on the surface compared to the underground city.
This, ladies and gentlemen and others, is what the end of my rope looks like. There are approximately 35 sectors of this city I need to also do. I have completed two of the smaller sectors as they were referenced in the book I am writing.
But look at all those nice green spaces for the residents. Wasn’t that nice of the asshole city builder? (Me. Wasn’t that nice of me?)
Please note that the map doesn’t list like every little gas station, etc–if I require a “blow up” version of a sector, I will recreate the map with the actual buildings/designs on a new sheet. So some of those orange spaces, which are residential, might have a tiny corner store or gas station. Or the blue ones. The only ones that DON’T get things like that are the doctor clinics/hospitals, fire houses, police stations, and parks, unless the park has a retail center listed in its section.
And this is how I preserved my sanity.
I couldn’t write the book without the map, so… map. (Fucking aphantasia.)
GIIIRRRRRLLLLLL!!!! You are AMAZING! To have that handicap and write such vivid stories!!! I have a good imagination and as I read, I see the pictures in my mind, more I am there.. I will imagine for the both of us!!! ( with your permission) You just keep on writing! I don’t care the genre, nom de plume, or anything. I just love your writing!! Many good vibes your way!
Your patience and attention to detail are AMAZING! As a fan of all your stories, I appreciate the effort you put into crafting the intricacies of your characters and their world’s.
Sounds like you’re way more organized than I am. #silverlining
Thank you for sharing this amazing detail about your process and helping us learn about aphantasia. The mind is a strange and wonderous thing.
Since I live in Houston*, a city about that size (though not nearly as well organized), I am awed by your patience and determination. That is a *great* map.
I will look forward to finding out who lives on that map. Luckily i have signed up for your Patreon, so I won’t have to search for the new pen name.
Yay!
*No shit – Houston is about the size of Rhode Island or Hawaii’s island of Oahu. Ridiculous!
Houston exists in this world, the city planners know this, and they basically went NOT ANOTHER HOUSTON (while screaming) so they had fights over city planning. So there is some insanity, but there is more actual planning
Wow – that’s impressive! You do such a great job of describing in your writing that I have no problem visualizing your worlds 🙂
This is so cool! You’re awesome overcoming aphantasia and becoming an author with such an amazing imagination that you share with us in your books. Thank you 🙂
That’s awesome. I think I begin to understand your attention to detail in Pittsburgh.
Incredible attention to detail is what makes your stories so awesome. I’m sorry you can’t picture it, but your writing allows your readers to see the action unfold on their mental screens. The new series sounds fabulous!
You are amazing.
Your stories are always amazing….thank you for your struggle and determination
That is a really nice map and thoughtfully laid out. Just amazing.
I feel for you. My daughter took her coat off while we were shopping one time and it took me forever to find her. She was standing about 30 feet away from me in my direct line of sight and I didn’t recognize her since she didn’t look like I had last seen her. Mind you, by the time I recognized her she was laughing her ass off because she knew what had happened. I relay this story whenever someone gets offended that I don’t recognize them. Sometimes I recognize someone to the point that I know I know them but I don’t remember from where or I don’t remember their name.
When you fly and they give the safety lecture. Place the oxygen mask on yourself before assisting others.I thought of this as selfishness until it was explained to me. You cannot help anyone else if you are taking care of yourself. Take care remember to take walks and enjoy the day.
I have aphantasia too, took me literally years to work out that people literally see things in their mind’s eye, I thought it was just a metaphor.
It is great to see people talking about it, especially creative people, as so often imagination is equated with being able to see images in your mind – even the word in English suggests that.