I’m getting asked this often in various venues, so I’m just going to take a moment to address this. I’m working on Murder Floof. The problem is, I need to be in a specific mood to work on warm cuddlefests. They’re light. They’re fantasy fulfillment. They’re a whole lot of joy smashed into one package.
I have anxiety. I have depression. I have chronic pain. There is only so much “faking it until I make it” I can do when writing a book.
It takes me being in a very specific mindset to work on a Bernadette Franklin novel.
Frankly spoken (pun intended), it takes joy to bring joy, and when you have anxiety and depression, sometimes, it takes a long time to cycle back to that sort of space.
I’m not in that sort of space right now. When I get there, I’ll frantically smash away at it, and maybe even bump something out a month to make it happen… but for now? I’m writing in one or two hundred words at a time, as I can.
Am I in a BAD mindset? No. I’m just not a ball of bubbly joy ready to infect the rest of the world with bubbly joy. And since these books are done as passion and play projects, as they don’t precisely earn me much money, I work on them when the stars align.
That’s it, that’s all. It’s not you. It’s me. And there’s nothing you can do to fix me, because I’m as fixed as I’m getting, and that is fine. It’s okay that I’m a broken human. (And for a broken human, I’m doing great.)
You just have to remember my normal is not the normal of ‘normal’ people.
I had my first migraine at age 5. I did not get a diagnosis for those migraines until my late twenties to early thirties (only to find out they are kinda sorta preventable but not curable). Do you know what’s impossible to get? Someone to take a child seriously about level of headache pains. They don’t ASK children about migraine symptoms. Children don’t GET migraines, according to most professionals. But sometimes, children absolutely DO get migraines… and I’m living proof of that. I have achey everythings… I CAN walk again fairly reliably, which is fabulous. It HURTS a bit, but I can do it, and I’m working to be able to go hiking, which is a huge aspiration for me.
A “good” day for me is one where I’m not taking painkillers and I’m sitting there going “Eh, could use an ibuprofen, but honestly, it’s not worth taking one, so I won’t.” And that basically means it doesn’t hurt EVERY moment, just a bunch of them throughout the day, and the pain level is my equivalent to a 1 or a 1.5.
(Pain free days do not exist. That’s what it means to have chronic pain. Something ALWAYS hurts. I can get to a pain free day if I have a good day and decide to take 2-4 ibuprofen. And sometimes… I do.)
I’m used to it. It doesn’t bother me, so don’t let it bother you.
But the reality is… I get very limited windows where the joy of a Bernadette Franklin book can bubble out and exist. Unlike everything else I write, I cannot force those books. I just can’t. They are a thing that happens, or not, based entirely on my mental health.
So, will more Bernadette Franklin books be coming? Yes. When? That I can’t tell you.
I am roughly halfway through Murder Floof, I think. But honestly? I don’t know. My brain is not in the right space for the book right now, so I can’t even tell you where it’s going.
It will get here when it gets here. That’s all I CAN tell you.
Take care of yourself first & foremost. We get it when we get it. Though not to your extent, I have some understanding of no pain free days because I have neuropathy in my hands & feet from long ago chemo & arthritis primarily in a bone-on-bone knee.
I sympathize so much with you with the migraines. I have a headache just about every day, and migraines when the headaches decide to phone a friend.
I’ve been seeing a neurologist, who prescribed qulipta and a magnesium pill once a day every day. She also recommended I see a headache specialist. The specialist thinks I’m suffering from migraines and rebound headaches. For a long time I’ve been using 800mg ibuprofen. I have it for the headaches, but also for the pain that sometimes flares up with my shallow hip socket.
I’d heard about rebound headaches, but never thought that was me. I’d gone almost a month without touching the 800mg ibuprofen. Then I went to visit family outside of Chicago for a week and, with all of the walking we did, my hip went crazy and I broke my ibuprofen fast. I hadn’t brought them with me to Chicago, so I had to buy some over the counter stuff. It didn’t work as well as the prescription ibuprofen. Oddly enough, I rarely got a headache.
Worse is after I got home and went back to the office. That’s when my daily headaches returned. Even with most of the overhead fluorescent lights not being on around me (yay for union driven accommodations) I get a headache every day.
My headache doctor wants me to try a blood pressure medicine. I’m just not sure my blood pressure is driving my headaches. I think it’s largely environmental. As for the migraines, they’re not as frequent with the qulipta, but they do still happen (especially around a certain time of the month).
A supplement called DMG also helped me in reducing the intensity of my migraines.
Next medical step, if none of this works, is Botox.
Some days I wish I could exchange my head for a new one. I’m so sick and tired of losing days and experiencing life events to a migraine.
BP meds that are also beta blockers impair migraine formation. Please DO try it.
My Aunt had migraines when she was 7. I got them when I was 24. They never went away. I can take medicine that sometimes works and sometimes doesn’t. I’m sorry for anyone who has to suffer. Best of luck.
I can relate to having migraines as a child. I remember coming in from playing with my head hurting so bad I was crying. My mother had migraines, too, and put me to bed with an ice pack. But the other children in the neighborhood continued to play in front of my house, aggravating the pain. My older sister, bless her heart, went outside and I heard her say, “You need to play somewhere else. My sister has a headache!”
You have my utmost sympathy. Migraines run in my family. All my siblings and I get them. My dad suffers from cluster migraines and is in pain 24/7.
While I look forward to whatever you write under whichever pen name you choose, I will happily reread your previously published works and wait while you take care of yourself.
Take care of yourself first, second, and always. We can wait for a. Bubbly book to come when it comes. I get migraines from stress/anxiety, allergies, etc and yeah it sucks but hopefully you develop a routine to lessen the bad days and have more good days than bad. I’d rather wait (and I think most of your other fans would too) than hear you’re suffering so much we can’t get another book ever again. So please take care of yourself. Also, just as a weird side note, sometimes smells make my headaches worse or better depends on the day (idk but I’m weird) so sometimes I can use mint oil (spearmint or peppermint) on my temples to help and other times it’s too much for my head to handle. On a side note, I can’t take any type of anti inflammatory any more because I used to take 800 ibuprofen’s like they were candy when I was in the military and it messed up everything so bad that if I even think about even taking a small dose it gets too bloody. But I have ice packs for my head that sometimes help when the pain is in my sinuses area. Maybe that might be an alternative for you to try when you get a migraine? Idk because sometimes cold can make them worse too. It just sux overall and I wish I would wave a magic wand and help you feel better!
I really appreciate you offering suggestions! My problem is muscular-skeletal in nature due to a defective spine, so a lot of the typical “chemical” migraine solutions don’t help me, alas. But these are excellent tips for those who have chemical migraines!
Sorry for your problems, hope they lessen somewhat in the immediate future so you can get more work done on your books.
I understand completely, because I am the same. You do what you can when you can, but some days that just isn’t much. The fact that you have managed to create so much, and live a fulfilling life is very much a victory to be proud of.
I feel so seen! I had my 1st migraine at 11. I did know what it was and had a mom that had them but we didn’t DO doctors for headaches. It would take 10 years and an emergency room visit to actually get anything for them and well another 10+ years to get anything that actually worked. So you do you, we will be here to read your genius when it comes.
I’m so sorry that you’re in such pain. Thank you for the joy and fascination your books – under all names – bring to me and many others. Take care of yourself
I hear you and fully sympathise. I have had migraines all my life. Fortunately mother also had them and recognised the symptoms and was amble to get me medication as a baby. One thing that I have now found out is that some of these migraines were TIA’s (transient ischaemic attacks) and you cannot tell the difference. I have met a few people who have received the same news ☹️. Please be careful with yourself. Brain fog is awful, as is the post-migraine fatigue. You have my prayers that you can get out of this current cycle and back to some sort of normality. X care
Please look after yourself. I consider myself lucky that I don’t have migraines but sight problems do give me headaches. I do have continuous muscle and joint pain all over my body and adverse reactions to just about every painkiller and drug! Continuous pain is physically tiring and emotionally tiring and I am finally learning to go with the flow rather than keep pushing to do what everyone else expects. I thoroughly enjoy all of your books ( all of the different genres) and re-read them on a regular basis. Thank you for continuing to write such enjoyable books. They can take me away briefly from the pain. Be very proud of what you are achieving.
Please take care of yourself – we need all of your writing personas.
I feel you. I had migraines as a child, and luckily (I know most people don’t) grew out of them somewhere in my college years. It truly wasn’t until post-migraine that I would get headaches that would clear up in short order that I truly understood just how crippling those childhood migraines had been.
I especially appreciate this post, as I happen to be re-reading The Run Around right now! All I can do is send good wishes your way, and be patient for the day your head and emotions are in the right place for Murder Floof.
Take care of yourself and I wish you pain-free days in the future.
I understand the chronic pain issue. And YES kids do get migraines. I’ve had them since I was 8, they get so bad that I throw up from the pain. You are right they can be managed and real bad ones prevented but not cured. A good day for me is a day I have to stop and sit to feel the pain…that’s a rare day. The rest of me just hurts everyday because my body is beat up. My fault but still hurts.
You have my understanding and admiration because there are days I struggle to convince myself to get up and here you are writing books. So awesome! You are AWESOME 😎
Take your time with Bernadette books. I love them because as you say ‘a warm hug’ but true painless joyful days are a small mirical and really really rare. We just have to wait patiently for that Hug is all.
Here a Gentle Hug from, real gentle so it doesn’t hurt.
Take care, love you.
You are not alone. I suffer from chronic pain too. Take care of yourself, first, and we will enjoy it (B.F.) when the opportunity presents.
As a chronic migrain, depression, and anxiety sufferer myself, I am just glad you manage to write as often as you do. Thank you. I like everything you write, and love a fair bit of it. Some days it is all that can make me smile.
5 year olds ABSOLUTELY do get migraines! My daughter did and getting doctors to take seriously headaches that were causing her to vomit was extremely difficult. It was never a case with her of “my tummy hurts” but rather “my head hurts” and get her a bowl or run her to the bathroom quick! I wish you as many “good” days as possible.